


tomorrow's sunlight

by euphorickun



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I mean a lot of angst, M/M, Metaphors, Self Harm, dongpyo is whipped for minhee, please don't read if you think you might get triggered, time traveling bs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 10:56:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphorickun/pseuds/euphorickun
Summary: " i'd die for you."" okay, but would you continue living for me?"
Relationships: Kang Minhee/Son Dongpyo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	tomorrow's sunlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arieslilac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arieslilac/gifts).

> first and foremost, please, and i mean PLEASE DO NOT read if you have severe anxiety / depression, or if you're just in an unstable state. it's proven that just reading about or looking at self harm can trigger you to do the same. oneits, please stay healthy for x1 who loves you guys so much.
> 
> second off, i just wanted to apologise for this because i'm not even a oneit??? i'm writing this for a friend and she's so special i've decided i'm going to write about something i have almost zero knowledge on. so i'm very sorry if they're way too ooc, but seo, this one's for you.

my eyes shoot open.

its cold, that's the first thing i thought. it's really, really windy. i blinked a few times and tears leak out of my eyes. i sat up, completely confused.

i was in a field of flowers, and it went on and on until i couldn't even see the end of it. " what's going on?" i whisper to myself, shivering. i wrapped my hands around my body in attempt to warm myself, but when the places i rubbed my hands on turn red, i only stared in horror. slowly, but surely, i turned my hands around. red. red from the tip of my fingers to the end of my palms, not even missing a spot.

i jumped in shock, yelling out in horror. i curled myself into a ball, i was so scared i cried and couldn't stop. until i heard a shout.

i stand up, ears straining for the other sign of life i just heard moments ago.

" dongpyo!" i looked to the source of the voice, and saw minhee by a tree, almost miles away. " dongpyo!!" he yells again, even though we're looking at each other now. " m-minhee! i'm right here!" i stumbled on my words, yelling back with all my might. without much more thinking, i started running towards him.

i ran and ran, doing my best to avoid stepping on all the flowers and rocks while i ran. but somehow, i wasn't getting any closer. i'm almost all out of breath but the tree and minhee looks as far as they were when he first called out to me. but i didn't stop, i continued running,

and that's when i fell straight into a hole.

the hole went on forever. it kept getting tighter and i felt like i was suffocating. and just like that, i passed out.

" dongpyo?"

i woke up, and there he was, in our school uniform.

" i'm minhee, we were assigned to clean the hall together?"

i cocked an eyebrow at him. " huh? what'd you say?" i questioned him, still a little bit drowsy. " i said, mrs park had assigned the both of us to clean the hall together." minhee repeats, and he looks too serious to be joking.

i pause. 

" are you serious right now?" i'm fully awake now as i look around, confused. i'm in my highschool uniform, sitting in my seat of my sophomore year classroom. the sun's setting outside, and the golden light shines right through the window's glass panes and onto minhee's face, who was standing right at the doorway.

"... yeah? why wouldn't i be?" he replied lightly. " think she might be holding a grudge against us. which is odd, by the way. i've never done anything bad." minhee says casually, and it truly shows how easy it is to talk to minhee, like how it always is. but i furrow my brows. 

' what do you mean? you told me you placed a whoopee cushion on her chair!' was what i would've said if i haven't figured everything out yet.

this was it.

this was the day i met minhee, for the very first time. 

" hello? earth to son dongpyo?"

i snap into reality and pick up my bag. this must be a dream, i might as well relive this moment.

" sorry i zoned out so much, think it's mrs park... she yelled at me so loud just now pieces of my brain fell out." i joked without hesitance, because i already knew what our future looked like.

but one thing i failed to remember was how his smile made my heart skip a beat. it's been 6 years since this moment, yet i still feel blood bolt up to my face the second he grins. the sunlight hits his face and ignites his beautiful features as he laughs at my unfunny joke, and i couldn't help but stare at him in awe. " it's a pleasure to be working with you, dongpyo." he says, still half laughing, sticking his hand out for me to shake.

i picked up my hand and was millimetres away from his, when it suddenly disappeared.

i looked up, minhee was gone.

minhee wasn't the only thing gone; my classroom... the sun... everything was gone. it's pitch black now, and the only light i could see was above me. round, it was the moon. and it was crying. weeping, moaning, it sounded so sad i sympathised without even knowing it's story.

gradually, the moon's tears started falling. one drop, two drops, three drops, then it was raining.

all of a sudden now i hear laughter emerging from the back of me, and i turn my head around to see who it was as a natural reflex. but before i could even make out his face, he clung onto my blazer's sleeve and ran ahead, bringing me with him. i followed the mystery man anyways, trying my hardest to figure out the whole situation.

his steps started to slow down as we inched closer to a bus stop, and he looks back at me when we finally reach our destination.

of course, it was minhee again. " holy crap, that was crazy!" he bursts out laughing, pulling me closer to make sure i was under the roof's shelter. i sneezed, and he starts cheering. " i told you you'd start sneezing! that's 5 bucks for me." he chirps, and i find myself unconsciously laughing at that.

finally, i remember this moment. one month into meeting each other, we kept finding ways to get into trouble so we could always clean the hall together at the end of the day. i'd say this was one of the happiest moments of my life without hesitation, but then again every moment with minhee was. i'd gleefully relive any moment at any given time.

minhee takes a seat on the bus stop's bench. i follow, and he looks to me. " i don't think i can walk back home in this rain." he says sotfly, almost a complete whisper.

" me neither." i shrugged.

" soo... what should we do now?"

" let's wait for the bus."

and then he looks to me with yet another one of his smiles you'd kill to see. i smile back, knowing that the both of us know for a fact that this bus stop hasn't been in use for decades.

and just like that, in yet another blink of an eye, the whole scenery changes again. the smell of rain had been replaced with that one candle scent i've come to remember because minhee's mom loved it so much, and the sound of raindrops thudding against the bus stop's roof had been exchanged with friends' opening song. i look around, confirming that i was in minhee's living room. the television's on, just like it somehow always is when i come to visit.

" okay pyo, i need your help here."

i hear minhee's voice coming from the kitchen. i get up, eager to remember what occasion this one could be.

i turn the corner and into the kitchen, and there i find minhee's back facing me, standing in front of his kitchen counter. in the sweater i never said he could have, in the pair of socks i know he's going to lose in a few years time, and in his favourite pair of joggers with his messed up hair he never bothered to comb. this was minhee. the minhee i fell in love with. " royal blue... or navy blue?"

i raised my brows. " huh?"

" oh my god i knew you were too caught up in watching friends." he faces me, and i feel my body freeze. just, in pure awe of kang minhee. i see his mouth move but i was so busy using every bit of my energy to blink this image of minhee into my mind i ended up not being able to decipher what he was saying. " dongpyo!" he calls out and i finally snap back into reality.

" did you hear me? i was talking about how friends isn't even funny without the laughing tracks." minhee crosses his arms. i laugh, partially because of how fond i was of this moment, but mostly because minhee was just being minhee again. " how could you say something so controversial yet so brave?" i reply, immensely entertained. " i don't usually, you get boyfriend privileges though." he says casually, turning back to whatever he was looking at before i came. and thank god for that, or else he would have to experience me, who might i add rarely ever gets flustered, turn into a blushing mess. it's always been things like these that catch me off guard.

i hear minhee mumble a soft " come here," so i shuffled my way next to him. " what's important here is not whether i wear royal blue or navy blue. what is though, is if you're attending or not." minhee tilts his head to the side a little when he faces me. " have you canceled your class like you said you would?" 

i remember this moment, but not every detail of it. did past dongpyo cancel his class yet? what class was he even supposed to cancel? i could say yes, but that would be lying if i haven't, right? " i... uh..." i avert my gaze from his, thinking of the best possible way to handle this. minhee only sighs in reply, furrowing his brows at me. " dongpyo, i told you you could just come after." he looks back to the magazine he has laid out on the kitchen counter. " i don't think my elder brother is planning to get married more than once... everyone's going to be there. in fact, this is going to be my perfect chance of showing you off!" he huffs.

" minhee, of course i'll be there." i find myself saying without even thinking twice about it.

" you better be... that's all that matters." he says almost inaudibly, but i catch every word. i open my mouth to speak, but my throat's stuck. it's getting drier every passing second.

instead of minhee, now i see eunsang in front of me. but my throat remains dysfunctional.

" i know it's a weird rumour... and probably even you don't believe it but...... it's true."

my eyes widen, because i remember exactly which memory this is. we were in yohan's backyard, just the two of us and the christmas tree that was too tall to fit into his house. everyone else was passed out drunk in yohan's room.

eunsang clears his throat, eyes avoiding mine at all costs. " i like you, dongpyo."

complete silence took over the atmosphere, even though the crickets continued singing and the frogs continued calling, it was somehow silent. eunsang keeps his gaze down while he fiddles with his shirt.

this is it. if i could change this part of the past, everything would be okay. everything, could go back to the way it was. i brainstorm about what to say, calculating each path's outcome. and when i finally come up with the perfect one,

" i'm sorry."

i stood in shock while my heart skipped a beat.

" i don't feel the same."

i looked to my right. and saw the son dongpyo of that very night, christmas eve of 2018. he was speaking his own mind, and he was repeating my mistake. " plus, me and minhee are kind of a thing. you know?" i remember clearly that in this very moment, i was trying to say it as nicely as possible, but now that i'm listening to myself, i sound shamelessly inconsiderate. " dongpyo! stop!" i waved my hands in front of past dongpyo, but his gaze stayed empty as he looked straight through me and at poor eunsang who was shivering in the cold of winter and now, rejection. 

" oh..." i look to eunsang, who looked like he was trying his best to keep his tears inside of him.

" i'm sorry, forget i ever said anything." was the last thing i heard before being teleported into a whole other room.

broken air conditioner, untouched books on shelves, and a bunch of people who're just slacking off. this was of course, my college's library. i scan my eyes around the room and find myself sitting at the end of the room, finishing a last minute project on a school computer. i immediately started sprinting towards him, yelling my name in the process, in hopes that i could warn him of what was going to happen next. but then i see a brown tuff of hair turn the corner right in front of me and stop in front of the other dongpyo. i freeze, legitimately. i suddenly couldn't move a single muscle. this, is my punishment.

i watch as the other dongpyo take off his headphones and look up to minhee. " oh, what's up babe?" dongpyo asked lightheartedly, one brow raised in confusion of what his boyfriend was doing at his school.

" don't. babe me," minhee hisses and i can see myself physically shrink at that. me and minhee have been in countless amounts of fights and arguments, but i've never seen minhee this harsh. " what kind of sick freak cheats on their partner and continues to call them babe?" 

dongpyo stared back at minhee, confused, and already hurt.

" wow, okay. eunsang told me everything there's no need to keep up the poor act." minhee says while showing dongpyo a picture on his phone. i was certain and i am still certain now that it was a screenshot eunsang took of our chats. eunsang told me to meet him at the back of yohan's house that night and i agreed, it was just a confession but he must've told minhee otherwise.

" 4 years son dongpyo. none of that meant anything to you, did it?" minhee tried to sound assertive, but he also sounded so hurt. tears started rolling down minhee's cheeks. " minhee, i- we-" dongpyo stuttered, trying to find the right words to say... and that was what flipped both of our worlds upside down. minhee gulped, holding the eye contact between him and dongpyo as if his life depended on it. " you're a monster." minhee whispered, tears streaming down his face ten times faster than before. " i wish i had never met you." he says, completely bursting out in tears as he walked away.

everyone in the room stared at dongpyo, but he didn't care. he couldn't, because he just let his only will to live walk out of his life.

and again, i'm in a whole new room. except, it's not new at all. it's my bedroom. with my guitar against my bed and polaroid pictures of me, minhee, and our group of friends on the wall. nothing was abnormal, except the noise coming from my bathroom. it felt so unsettling, chills wash over me. so slowly, i walked closer and closer towards it. 

and when i pushed the bathroom door open, i gasped, i shrieked, and i just couldn't believe it.

minhee sat on my cold bathroom floor, and he looks like he's been there for days. he sniffles, " dongpyo," he calls as he shakes my lifeless body. blood is spread all over minhee's clothes, blood from my very own wrists. " dongpyo?" minhee continues to call out, his eyes almost completely soulless. " i told you i hated surprises... i only came to take my clothes back... i don't want surprises..." minhee says, to no one. he hugs my body and after a while, he breaks loose.

he sobs even louder, calling out my name as he cried. " please come back dongpyo, please! we can start again... "

suddenly, i felt my wrists burn. i look down at my wrists and blood was flowing out at the speed of light. i wasn't given much time before my head spun and spun and finally gave up.

my vision blurs, and again i fall into an emptiness. darkness and silence surround me, and honestly? it's what i truly deserve. i want to rot in here until forever, but then i felt a sudden warmth in my hand.

my eyes flutter open. to my surprise, i see the crashing waves in front of me before i could even hear them. i look down at my hand, and see it holding another hand. i look up, and minhee's laughing at the ocean with his hand in mine. " come on, let's go deeper! i'm not failing this semester for nothing!"

and suddenly i remember this moment as if it was yesterday. it was before the whole eunsang incident.... i ran away. i ran away from home. life was falling apart and frustrated, i decided it was the last straw when my family falsely accused me of stealing. i made an impulsive decision and ran for miles with no specific destination in mind and nothing except clothes and a few coins on me. after a few miles, i stop by a public phone booth and cried, sobbed, and choked on my words as i called minhee. he answers after a few rings and comforts me. " it's all gonne be okay baby," i remember hearing him say through the phone. it only took minhee half an hour to find me. he calls me into his brother's old car's passanger seat and drives the whole night to busan.

then night falls and i cry again because i forgot minhee was currently sitting through his finals in college. but he rubs circles into my back and reassures me that it's fine and that he knows he was going to do badly anyway. and now we're standing hand in hand, feet in the ocean water and minhee's teasing me. but i look into his eyes and start crying.

" why are you crying again baby?" 

" i,, wubwootho-" i try to say but crying and speaking don't go very well together in my dictionary. minhee smiles and nods, understanding me perfectly. " i love you too. you know that."

i'm in the flower field again now. 

the sun above is smiling down on me while the weather turns warmer. flower petals and the smell of spring blow past me in a cool breeze. i turn my head in the direction of the wind.

the tree is still there, smiling at me. and so is minhee.

so i don't waste any time, i start sprinting again. this time, i step on all the flowers and rocks. this time, i jump over the deep dark holes. this time, i'm staring right at kang minhee and i'm shouting:

" i want to live again, i want to live for you!"

dongpyo laid his head on my shoulder as we watched friends, again. both of us are sprawled out on the living room's couch, exhausted from helping mom and dad with spring cleaning the house.

i don't personally enjoy friends, but i'll go above my comfort zones for dongpyo. " hey," i nudged dongpyo and he hums. " wanna go to yohan's christmas party?" i question.

" would you be mad if i said no?" dongpyo replied with another question, half asleep. " only a little bit." i say without even realising as i play with his hair. "hmm... let's go then. dunno, don't care, as long as we're together on that day." he says, voice raspier than before. 

" yay!" i clapped. " son dongpyo, i'd die for you." i said in a singsong voice. 

" okay, but would you continue living for me?" i see him smile with his eyes closed in the corner of my eye.

i giggle in return. " i'm already doing that, am i not?"

dongpyo falls asleep after a few minutes and i slowly lift him off my shoulder and tiptoe my way up to my bedroom. i pull a piece of paper from my notebook and pick up my favourite pen.

" dear pyo," i say as i wrote it down. " i'm not very good at words so here's my best shot at writing down my heart's content... i don't care what obstacle the world has prepared for us, i want to get through them with you by my side all the way until the end. let's get married-"

i read through my note again and shook my head before canceling out the last part. " let's spend forever together. forever i want to anticipate tomorrow's sunlight with you." i smiled as i wrote it down.

" i love you, dongpyo."

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly think i'm having another writer's block but i forced my way through this fic anyways because seo you're so mf special. i care, and so many other people care ♡ i hope whatever bad things you're going through is all just going to be a bad memory soon enough. thank you for everything. like minhee, i can't live without pyo!! i sincerely love youuuu muah cikedddddd


End file.
